It's Spring Cleaning Time!!

I appreciate all those who have been reading my blog.  Some may have thought of is there anyway I can help?  This post is specifically that!  We are having a garage sale the last weekend in April & the first weekend in May.  We are collecting donations of stuff for the garage sale.  All sales will go directly toward our adoption fundraising.  I can come pick up any items if it is helpful.  We are open to any types of donations!  I will also be posting fun items that we will have for sale!!!

Please pass this along to anyone you might know that is interested!  

thebonifamily@yahoo.com to schedule a pick up.

A snapshot!

Every good business has a strong marketing campaign and is up to date with today's latest trends.  Currently this CEO knows nothin about none of that!  Truly in this process there is a bit of a marketing component.  Our family is putting ourselves out there as open and available to expand.   

As I mentioned when I went through the gamut of getting started a key component was our Family Bio. The family bio provides a snapshot of your family to potential birth parents.  So how the heck do you provide an enticing honest presentation of yourself on four 8 X 10 pieces of paper and some slots of pictures?!?!

We love the Beach!  We love family trips!  

 One of the many reasons we selected ASC as our agency is that they collect all the information and then put together your family Bio.  Some of the agencies we looked at provided you a template or for an additional fee they would put your bio together.  Regardless this is a common tool used in the adoption process.  Birth mothers will describe a home environment they are looking for to place their child in and based off of her description they will pull familys that meet what is described.  So we put things like lost child in my own home for 25 minutes, keep the floors so clean that we eat off of them instead of on our kitchen table, and closets are for child confinement right?    And of course an enticing family photo! 

On top of the information given in our bio they also use all the other hand outs for health, drugs, etc. to help determine if your family meets what the mother describes. Typically a birth mother will receive 3-4 family options to review.  From this selection she narrows down to two families.  Then from there there could be email communication or a face to face visit with the coordinator present.  This step can take sometime as the mother decides on which family seems the best fit for her dreams and goals for her child.  Yes, her child!  This process provides a beautiful and unique gift to the child.  The birth mother is making the biggest love sacrifice to say I love you so much I have to let you go.  I can provide you a life but I cannot raise you.  Wow, what love and maturity for anyone!  She is not taking the hard way out!  

Here are some examples of what is included in our bio:
-  Our upbringing and childhood.

-  A peek into our marriage and relationship.

-  The current activities we enjoy doing.

-  A description of each of our boys

I would say it took about 20 hours to answer all the questions completely and collect about 150 pictures that described our family.  I think about 10 of them got used.  It was difficult to poor out your heart in the confinements of a scrapbook so to speak.  We took the approach of being honest and transparent.  We pray that something jumps off the page that says we love children, we love each other, and we love you!   

Tips I have if you're interested in the adopting or getting ready to work on a bio:
-  Take lots of pictures!  None staged!
-  Keep your pictures organized.
-  Brainstorm about your childhood and found family memories.  This would be a great time to connect with siblings and family to get ideas going.
-  Have fun!  
  

As always thanks for taking the time to read.  We did receive news that two birth mothers currently have our bios and have not made any decisions.  Good to know we're not still sitting in the drawer!

Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!

As we wait on Baby J there's much to do!  We have felt so blessed as many have asked if we will be fundraising.  We are working diligently to get our fundraising going.  Currently you can check out our coffee shop!  There's a huge assortment of coffee products.  This company is based right out of Tennessee and was founded to support adoptions!  This delicious coffee makes for great gifts & a yummy cup of Java for yourself!  We love some coffee in this house!

Stay tuned for our t'shirts.  Also ways to support through our Spring Yard Sale!

 Everybody needs a bag!

It's a Process!

The adoption process is a bit mysterious but once you do your research it all makes sense!  As I've stated before we are expanding our "brand" through a domestic infant adoption.

Domestic- Right here in the United States!

Infant- 

In most cases this is considered 0-12 months old.  

We have personally selected 0-6 months old as our definition of infant.

If you're interested in looking into more details about domestic adoptions vs. international here is a great resource.  I spent a lot of time reading through all this to help give us direction and get started. www.howtoadopt.org 

So we have selected our agency.  They are who have provided "The Process" in which we are going through. This post is the specific steps we have completed thus far in our journey.

1.  Attend an informative meeting about the agency.  We learned about how ASC was founded.  What is the pricing structure and payment plan.  How do they handle the process start to finish.  What are their networks with hospitals, counseling, birth moms, legal connections, etc.  This meeting was about a 3 hour event.  It was packed full of information and is what helped us determine they were our agency.

2.  Submit Application and Registration Fee.

3.  Attend Interview #1:  While we were on our fabulous vacation in Florida we had a ginormous packet of information to complete for our first interview.  This packet included a bunch of information in regards to our family trees.  It covered aunts, uncles, parents, and grand parents.  The basic information of birth dates and deaths if applicable.  Wedding dates and explanations of siblings, step, half, etc.  Wowza!  The real kicker was describe this person with 5 adjectives.  Then describe the relationship you have with this person and how they have influenced your life.  Once this document was as complete as we could get it, WE MADE A COPY!!!!  There was some serious research to get all that together!  

In the actual interview we met with the woman who would be responsible for creating our bio. (Bio explanation to come).  She asked questions about our upbringing, relationships with family members, relationship with each other, details about ourselves and the kids.  Her goal was to collect as much information as she could so she felt she had a descent picture about us and our family.  If you're good at talking this step was a walk in the park!  If not a talker a little brainstorm session before hand is very helpful!

4.  Home Study Workshop:  All adopting families attend ASC's home study workshop.  This was a more in depth workshop than the informative meeting.  We were able to meet other families in the process at the same stage we were in so that was exciting.  We learned about what kind of situations to expect.  We learned about the legal side of adoption.  This is specific state to state!  (More details to come)  A birth mother who placed her child through the agency came to speak with us and that was wonderful.  She shared why she placed, how she's doing, what kind of relationship she's kept, and what her struggles are.  That was probably the best part of the entire workshop.  Also at this time we turned in:
Bio information, Dear Birth Mom letter, & pictures
Alcohol & Substance Abuse Questionnaire
Birth Certificates for all Members in the home
Copy of Marriage License 
Copy of Driver's License
National & State background checks
Sex & Violent Offender Registry Search Results
Child Protective Services History for every state resided in the last 5 years
Local Police Records
Signed Agency contracts
Health History questionnaire for each member of our family
Health History selection for birth mother and expectant child
Birth Mother Additional Drug Use selections (outside of Agency basic requirements)
Health Physical Consent Form from Family Doctor
Certificate of Financial Status
Review of Life Insurance Policy
1040 tax form from the previous year
Recent Check Stubs
Three Reference Letters
Program & Advertising Fee $$$

5.  In Home Home Study:  After completing the required workshop the next step was to have the social worker actually come into our home.  My one goal was to make sure I had the Christmas decorations down!  It was mid-January and clearly Santa was on vacation already!  This was a wonderful experience.  The social worker got comfy with her lap top in the living room and asked a bazillion more questions.  Most of the questions were just going into more specific descriptions of what we had already answered in our handouts and initial interview.  She did have some state mandated questions to ask.  My favorite, "How do you anticipate your lives will change with the new baby?"  Um, We're out numbered!  That cute little side table will have to get moved so a swing can go there and forget sleep!  Haha!  She was also really helpful in sharing what trends they had been seeing in adoption cases the last couple of months.  Since she was the social worker she was also there to physically go through our house.  Don't worry there was no white glove test!  We would have failed!  She made sure we had the appropriate carbon monoxide and fire detectors in each room.  State law requires the child has their own room or space to share with a same sex sibling so she was making sure our bedroom situations met that requirement.  Also we had to have a fire extinguisher for each level of the house so she had to identify where those were located.  All in all very easy part of the process.  She was in and out in less then two hours. 

6.  Bio Approval:  This is a very important part of the adoption process.  Birth mothers are deciding on what family to place their child with.  Infants are not already with an agency waiting to be placed.  They are in their mother's wombs!  These women are in a place where they feel they cannot raise their own child for whatever numerous reasons.  In order for them to get a glimpse inside your life and family these bios are created.  From the information collected in our first interview, bio answers, and pictures we submitted a mini scrapbook was created about our family.  At this time we had to approve the pictures and what was written.  Also at this time we paid Birth Mother Coordination Fee.

After all these steps we went LIVE!  The state had approved our adoption request.  All of our fees were paid.  

We now sit and wait!  Not exactly the most entertaining post but hopefully you can see into the process a little bit better.  

PS.  Check out our Coffee Shop!  All purchases donate funds to our bring home Baby J

Story time

There's always a good story to how you started your adventure.  Maybe not always but once you can look back and reflect it seems a lot better.  As I said before in one of my posts Big J and I had discussed adoption many times.  It was even discussed before we multiplied ourselves.  (Well, Jason multiplied and I just carried the minions around for 10 months).  

Our first "deeper" conversation was right after JR was born.  The expansion of the CEO during business structure was enough for me.  I was ready to cap our business at 2 openings.  Big J agreed and took care of the production process, if ya know what I mean.  In making this pretty permanent decision we set "adoption" out on the table.  If we BOTH felt we wanted to expand again we were open to this option.  With this little seed planted it really began to stir around in my heart and never left.  At the end of 2014 officially any chances of opening our business were finished.  That again really started to toss adoption around in my mind.

In January of 2015 we both put "Adoption" on our goal's list.  We wanted to look further into this.  No permanent commitments but good intentions.  We attended Passion in Atlanta, GA.  With in the first 10 minutes Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 was read and used as our first activity.  It was verse 12b that knocked me off my feet.  "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  Now before you go dissect all the verses and say well when you take this verse by itself, blah blah.  The point is in that moment the Lord opened up the adoption box.  It was pressed further into the take action zone and less of the looks good on my New Year's goal list.

On Fall Break in 2015 we had a stay-cation.  Yes, 10 months later!  The idea was to do activities around home.  We were blessed with amazing weather so we went to the park.  Part of our family conversation was once again about adoption.  This conversation involved names.  Obviously before you make any big decisions you have to have a name!  Clearly a J name to go with our marketing theme.  So thanks to the gift of google we were looking up J names and debating our best options.  After playing at the park for a little we decided to go on a walk.  When we got to the bottom of the stairs we found this...

It's was a pink balloon with a pink ribbon.  Ironic because at the time we were talking about girl names.  The boys were so excited that we found a balloon!  A treasure!  They immediately named it SISTER!  What?  I swear not making this up.  So with the new found "Sister" we continued our walk and discussion of expanding locations.  It was a great initiator in taking our conversation to another level with the kiddos.  Again another nudge from above to get moving on the adoption research.  It was October and we'd done a real good job of procrastinating.  We were feeling the nudge but not doing anything about it!

To put us over the edge we wrap up with one more little story.  In the fall we did a church wide study called "Life on Mission" by Tim Harlow.  Big J and I are both small group leaders.  We lead different groups so we work at our studies at different paces.  Traditionally we do not do the same study together but in this instance we were.  One of the chapters had a couple pages about orphans, adopting, etc.  My book was lit up with highlighter!  Anyway Big J and talked one night.  One of asked if there was anything in Chapter 9 that stood out.  We BOTH responded with YES!  It was time to Get UP! or Shut UP! The section about adopting had stirred official action in both of us.  Here's a little glimpse of what's highlighted.

"The Bible is very easy to understand, but we pretend to be unable to understand it, because we know very well that the minute we do, we are obligated to act accordingly."

 - Soren Kierkegaard

Skip down two short sentences and it reads, "Let's stay on the subject of our moral obligation to serve children, specifically."

BOOM!  Hit right between the eyes!  The subtly of verses, ironic situations and such were not enough.  But some very convicting writing and words were!  There was two months left to get to work!

We're Active!

I don't even know if it's proper etiquette to post two posts in one day but since I'm a rule breaker I'm posting!  Today, oddly at exactly 2:15pm I checked my emails.  There was one email in my adoption account and it said "You're Active!"  I immediately read the email and called Big J.  We both were hacking away to get to the agency website as we spoke.  There we are!  Right at the very bottom. 
J X 4!!!!  My eyes are welling up just writing this post.  It's like the equivalent to peeing on a stick and it says YES!  (Side note each time I peed on a stick and it said Yes crying followed. Crying due to the very unplanned announcement).   If you're someone who feels sorrow because it never says "Yes" on the stick and you're taking the adoption journey this is your YES!!!!  

There will be a baby in our family!  We are growing!  It is real!  Here we go!

Today is already a big day marked on our calendar.  It is the last day we will have a 5 year old, for now. And now it is another exciting part of baby J's baby book!  

2.17.16 at 2:15pm!  What are the chances!

Through the Eyes of a Child

This is my third business venture.  First as official CEO.  Our grand opening business was a bit of surprise.  I mean obviously we had been dabbling in the market but we hadn't anticipated an investment!  When we had settled into a thriving business plan BOOM another location opened up!  Location Number 2's store front greatly resembles our first but the flow of the place is totally different.  So this brings us to our third location.  This business will be a more of a merger then a grand opening of our own business so here we go.  With merging you must include and educate the current business' on how this will look and what it means for them. YIKES!

Location #1:  Also known as JC, Alpha, King Candy, Motor Mouth
He is rip rearing ready to go.  As he has already experienced the expansion of business once and sits at the top of years in service he feels he is the best big brother you could have.  JC is so excited to have another sibling on the way.  His goal is 10 in all so he sees this as progress.  We're not sure where this thought comes from besides his social personality and love of his cousins from the south.  JC has experienced your typical expansion of family with a mommy waddling around with an expanding belly, the push to be potty trained, and the buzz of baby talk.  He welcomed all the responsibilities of becoming a big boy.  The growing up of getting a big boy room/bed, walking through the parking lot & holding hands,  and potty training (well maybe not this.  I'm pretty sure he would still be wearing a diaper if allowed).  He thrives on checking off the well child points of life.  The conversation of adoption happens often at our round table (aka kitchen table).  Here is a bit of insight from the mind of JC:
 -   JC tells everyone about this exciting news.  Literally it is the first thing he says everywhere we go.  We are adopting a BABY!
-  He is going to have a baby sister named Jane.  It's like James but with a N and no S.
-  One time he has asked when my belly is going to start to show.  I explained that our baby J is in a different momma's tummy.  Enough said for him, end of conversation.
-  This Christmas the kids at school were able to get a little gift if they were going to have a new baby sibling.  JC excitedly raised his hand that he was and so he got to get a gift.  That afternoon he came home with 3 hot wheels and let me know that these were for baby Jane when she comes.  I put them in my little baby stash.  Later that week when I was volunteering in JC's classroom, the teacher nervously approached me.  She came up to me and said, "Um, excuse me.  I have a question I need to ask but I don't want to offend you.  Are you having a baby?  I mean, you don't look like it but JC raised his hand when he said his family was getting a new baby.  I didn't want to say he was wrong but I was a bit confused."  Haha, insert explanation of our adoption journey here.
-  On our first mom & son date of the year I thought it would be a perfect time to talk to JC about how he was feeling about our new family.
CEO:  "JC, do you have any questions about the adoption or about things that are going on?"
JC:  Holding a giant slurpie about the size of his head.  "Ummmm no."
CEO:  "  Would you like to know about what we have been doing for the adoption?"
JC:  "Do you think we could talk while you drive us home?"
CEO:  "Sure."  Wow what an intimate conversation.  Exactly how I envisioned.

Obviously with JC's older age he is able to comprehend a little more of the details and differences of what adoption is.  He can discern that this baby coming into our family is much different then when JR entered.  I have tried to explain to him about what it means, and what responsibilities it means for him.  What is being absorbed time will only tell!

Location #2:  JR, Lunch Box, Cuddle Cub
As the second in line JR has not yet experienced a business opening.  He is still currently holding ranks as the Rookie and greatly appreciates the title.  In the world of JR adoption is much more prevalent and I believe a little more confusing.  JR lives in the world of play dates where new itty bitty faces appear and mommy's bellies are growing each week.  His friends are having new babies and he is anxiously awaiting his baby J.  JR tags along on doctor appointments, documentation delivery trips, and coffee dates.  All these consist of much talk about baby J but where is the baby?  Here is a bit of insight from the mind of JR:
-  When adorable baby E was born JR & I got to go together to the hospital to visit.  JR was so excited to see baby J.  There was much confusion that this was not our baby to bring home.
-  JR is a much more tender spirit then the Alpha.  Of course the conversation and encouragement to potty train and move into a big boy bed have been frequent.  JR would like to practice the potty but makes no commitment.  He has is very open to SHARING his crib with the baby.
-  JR will be a big brother to baby J, who is tiny.
-  When delivering some paperwork to ASC I had to explain it was for baby J, not to pick up baby J.  Now that was confusing.  We left, JR very upset and crying that once again there was no baby J.
-  JR is little boy.  He not grow up yet.

The transition between 2-3 is a big step for any child.  JR is a little hesitant but we are moving through.  Since there is no known timeline with our adoption journey at this point we're just taking baby steps along with him.  Current mild stones being tackled - transition to big boy bed and potty time!

CEO:  ME!!!
You might be wondering why I would include my own perspective since I am not a child but I am a child of God.  As much as I am teaching and leading the little ones in my life the Lord is teaching and leading me in the is process as well.  Six months ago I knew it was time to walk away from the fitness profession for a time but I had really nothing good to put in its place.  Through the Lord's divine timing adoption has slipped right into filling that need.  He has been explaining and teaching me the truth behind my identity in Him, the opening of my tight fists of controls, and the beauty in all the little things in my life.  Not the beauty in the items I get checked off my to do list but all the little things that happen in between.  I could make this post about a 1,000 times longer if I go in great depth but I'll restrain myself.  Here is a bit of insight from the mind of the CEO:
-  Soak up every moment of not being out numbered during the day.
-  Oh no!  We're about to be out numbered all the time!
-  Invest in the family NOT the nursery!  
-  Let it Go!  You just don't know!

Thanks again for reading!  * Note:  I have no idea if it's then or than and to be honest at this point I'm okay with that.  In junior year of English I checked out.  Currently I am still checked out and don't see checking in anytime soon!